A LOUSY WAY OF MAKING CHANGES = SELF CRITICISM

One common response to our upsets is self-criticism such as, "I shouldn't get upset at that Situation A." This response inhibits change, for it denies the inherent logic of our upset responses and usually prevents a careful look at our reasons for getting upset.

"Impossible" successes come most often to those who pretend the same thing regularly for short periods of time and let it go inbetween pretend sessions.

If you get upset at your partner's leaving off the toothpaste cap, there is logic and reasoning going on within you that is valid for you now! Of course you get upset at that. We always get upset for reasons specific to us. The goal is often to change our thinking so that we feel fine (and not upset) when Situation A occurs again (more in Chapter 8). Self-flagellation does not help us attain this goal.

Rx: The logic (the reasons for our upsets in Situation A) is what we often need to explore and change. If completely successful, then we will feel fine when Situation A recurs. This is resolution.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   STAGES OF HEALING
   MAKING CHANGES IN SMALL STEPS (Stage IVa above)
   "IMPOSSIBLE" SUCCESSES
   PROCRASTINATION
   A PERSONAL EXAMPLE
   CHANGING OTHERS EFFECTIVELY
   A LOUSY WAY OF MAKING CHANGES = SELF CRITICISM

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